An imaginative take on real headlines. The newspaper below is fictional and is not factual reporting.
READ THE FICTIONAL EDITION
Microphone Requests Written Permission to Hear
An entirely fictional technology desk audits the ambitions of objects with blinking lights.
Listening Device Enters Scope Negotiations
The imaginary Bureau of Selective Hearing has assigned a microphone one approved noise: the click of a stapler closing a compliance packet. All other sounds must wait in the acoustic lobby. Unfortunately, the stapler requires a separate permit to click. Engineers are now developing a silent demonstration, while the website committee debates whether silence counts as a premium feature.
Chatbot Sent to Permission-Slip Class
Our fictional School of Responsible Widgets requires every chatbot to bring a permission slip before answering. The slips must be signed by a grown-up, a librarian and someone who has actually read the settings.
Launcher Wins Race to Starting Line
The imaginary Speed Certification Office has awarded a launcher first place for opening the race application. Actual racing remains pending while competitors download the ceremonial starting pistol.
Original reporting that inspired this satire
Read the linked publishers for factual reporting. Their articles are separate from our fictional edition.
- Flock CEO says its microphones detect ‘just gunshots’, its website says different ↗
TechCrunch AI · · New York time
- Eight states sue OpenAI, saying ChatGPT isn’t safe for kids ↗
The Verge AI · · New York time
- Epic Games' New Vibe-Coded Launcher Is 46% Faster Than Steam ↗
Slashdot · · New York time